I know it's not easy for you...

"I know it's not easy for you to study in another language..."

Now just why is it that my first response when my friend said that to me was a twinge of hurt pride? I have got to get over this so here it goes,

No, it is not easy for me to study in another language.

I'm not looking for sympathy (I chose to come here and it's a brilliant opportunity and learning experience), I just think that maybe saying public that yes, I'm struggling, would be a good thing right now.

I'm used to being the person who understands everything in class and just knows what to write in essays etc. I'm also used to being the person who gets their work done, with an amount of natural motivation.

Here though, I don't understand everything in lectures (although I understand a lot more now than I did at first), I am regularly unsure of what is expected of my work and I seem to spend more time trying to motivate myself than actually doing any work.

But...I am learning new things. I'm not convinced that situations like this, where you are stretched to the point of being unable to measure up, are necessary for growth, but I am convinced that such situations are catalysts.

This year was never meant to be easy and no, I am not finding it easy. But I will continue trying knowing that the success will be in my attitude far more than in my grades.

Escape!

I quite like action movies and tv series. Especially if they have little comedy thrown in. Chuck is a current favourite. Anyhow, a couple of months ago I was thinking about how, in such shows, people often escape by climbing out of the trap door at the top of a lift/elevator.

So, I have made a habit looking at the tops of lifts I go in (what else is there to do in a lift anyway?) and so far, I have only found one that lifts up when you push it. Sadly, I was only going down one floor and was in an airport, so couldn't invistigate it further.

Please let me know if you have ever successfully escaped from the bad guys/the police (depending which side you're on) by climbing out the roof of a lift and how you did it. Thanks very much.

Oh, and happy new year!

A pinprick of light

A pinprick of light. You flew millions of years, avoiding asteroids and planets, meteors and black holes. Racing, racing to be here at precicely the moment where, in the shadow of my sun, I will glance so briefly and you appear in the corner of my view and fill my soul with awe. The purpose of another planet's renegade sunbeam.

Wordle

Click on the Wordle to make it big!

I just found this cool website, www.wordle.net (via www.twitter.com/therebelution) that'll make a cool graphic (like the one above) from a block of text or link that you give it. I made this by putting in the link to my blog.

I actually made one from my twitter first, but didn't like the words it came up with, and figured since the bulk of my blog is from my time on DTS, I might get something that looked a little more meaningful.

In fact, these 'wordles' challenge me. Do these words reflect my life? If they do reflect my life is that a good thing? It's great that 'God' appears as the biggest word here, but His name didn't appear at all on my twitter one. A lot of these words define themes that resonate with me (as I would hope coming from my blog!) it's interesting to see that concepts like 'time', 'want', 'witnessing', 'nervous' and 'encouraged' all appear. I don't think this goes by exactly how many times you use a word (there's a typo in there that I'm sure I haven't made that many times!). Anyway, I thought it was fun and looked cool.

Current Playlist

First Day of My Life: Bright Eyes
Broken Strings: James Morrison

Don't you love it when bloggers come back from a long silence with something short and seemingly insignificant? If there's any readers left out there...much love...I'll try and write again soon. Blessings!

Encouraging

I'm aware last week's post was a little on the down side. I truly have a much more positive outlook this week...my exams are over, I'm back at work and just generally looking forward to summer and looking forward to moving to Spain!

I just wanted to tell a little story. As the title of this post suggests, the story is one that encouraged me. Basically, yesterday someone told me that becoming a Christian changed their life and was a defining point in their making a career change into a career they'd always wanted but thought might be out of their reach or too stressful.

To be fair, it's not that unusual for someone to tell me that becoming a Christian changed their life. God changes a lot of lives and I know many people whose lives have been changed even quite dramatically by meeting Jesus. What was unusual in this case was that I had only just met this person and (unless God told them) they didn't know that I was a Christian. The comment he made was completely within the context of our discussion, simple and very honest.

I really felt for him in that moment because I know, for me, when the opportunity comes to share something like that there's so many mixed feelings - I'm excited, I'm praying silently, wordlessly, that I won't mess up, I'm nervous and often tongue-tied. I often feel very vulnerable in that moment because I have seen the times when the glaze comes over people's eyes or they don't want to speak to you anymore. That doesn't make me not want to share, but it does make me nervous and very aware that I just have to trust in God to look out for me.

But at the same time, I was encouraged. I still love to meet other Christians because it doesn't happen to me all that often outside of churches or church-related events. I was also encouraged just to see someone quietly sharing their faith - witnessing to the change God had made in their life and glorifying God when they could have easily left Him out of the story.

I'm praying that God will continue to work in me so that I can witness effectively to people I meet. At the moment I am praying about witnessing, rather than evangelism, because to me, witnessing is more about saying "I saw God do this" whereas evangelism is more specifically about sharing the Gospel with people. Both are great things to do and I do want to do both. Today though, I'm thinking about witnessing, and how I can share what I've seen and experienced God doing with christians and non-christians alike, to the glory of God. I don't have the answers, but I'm trusting that God will, bit-by-bit, build me up in this area.

Looking back on a year

I was a little unsure whether to write this post today, as the anniversary of my DTS graduation or on Tuesday, after I officially complete my first year of university by taking my last exam. I went for the date that's closer to my heart...

I can't believe it's been a year since I graduated, it feels like no time at all because my time in Australia continues to be in the forefront of my mind. Often though, it's not the lectures from DTS that stay with me as much as the community, the friendship and the time I spent with God over there. In all honesty, I miss being with YWAM so much. But that doesn't make me want to go back, because I don't believe this is a season for that.

University is a struggle for me in many ways. The learning style of university doesn't seem intuitive to me and I struggle to enjoy doing my work even though I find the subject interesting. The main issue I have with the work is the lack of interaction with others - I'm a social person and a verbal processer...I even enjoy watching TV more if I'm with someone else! WI'm doing the work to get a degree. I want a degree so I can get a better job, not neccessarily better-paid, but one that will allow me to use the talents I do have to their fuller potential. Sometimes I question that motivation but I only had a finite number of options and this was the best one at the time and it still is. I am interested in my subject, I have parents who support me personally and financially in persuing my education, I get to spend a year in Spain as part of my studies...I am truly blessed. And I am thankful.

So I try to make the most of it, remembering that sometimes the journey isn't all that fun, but I'm moving forward, and none of my other options would really mean moving forward. And then also remembering that actually, parts of the journey are great fun, even now.

In a couple of months time I get to move to Spain to study in Granada for a year. Again, this terrifies me, but also is exciting and an opportunity to face a challenge I really want to face - living & studying in a foreign language. One of my biggest hopes for this time is that I'll find the joy in the situation more than I have done this year, that it won't just be a challenge to be completed, but a season to be enjoyed.

I've not had a bad year, not by any stretch of the imagination. But remembering that the previous 12 months included doing the best job I've ever had followed by living in Australia and being a missionary for 6 months, it was going to be a struggle to match that!

So...here's to 09/10 and thanking God that He will continue to give me His joy, and His joy will be my strength!